In the social media and smartphone age, nearly everyone is exposed to a constant stream of talented people doing exciting things with their lives. You may follow a great writer who always comes up with fresh takes, a world-class baker innovating with beautiful recipes, or someone similar to you making a ton of money through a simple side business.
It’s easy for one’s own life to feel a bit boring and mediocre in comparison with these social media-boosted celebrities.
Although we acknowledge in our heads that what we’re seeing is only a small slice of the exceptionally talented people in the world—and only selected and polished highlights of their lives at that—our hearts experience something different. We long for such glamour and distinction in our own lives—and that longing might cause us to lose sight of our purpose in life and our sense of gratitude and joy for who we are.
The Social Media Pedestal
I’ve been feeling this way lately, and if I’m honest, I’ve felt this way for quite some time. The driving ambition I’ve experienced to do great work has been to be better than others—to measure up with a class of people I looked up to on the internet. The problem with this is that your identity and sense of self-worth get tied up in a relative status game that is impossible to win. No matter how high you climb, the bar keeps rising. The more you expose yourself to the social media rated best of the best, the more you may realize—as I have—that you are closer to average in your talents than you hoped.If you let it, this can be a depressing realization. It can send you into a pendulum of emotions bouncing back and forth between desperate, frantic action and listless complacency—depending on the current state of your fragile self-worth.
The Value of You
But there’s good news! You don’t have to be the best at anything. You don’t even have to be good. Those qualities are not required to live a meaningful, valuable, and happy life. I know that’s obvious advice, but it’s not always how we feel, and learning to feel what we believe is an integral part of the battle for agency.Let me share a few tips that have helped me reframe my life from a one-dimensional definition of success to something far richer and attainable by anyone, regardless of your innate talent.
1. Think of Your Life as a Painting Instead of a Competition
The picture of a craftsman or artist is more conducive to a healthy outlook on life than that of a competitor. Instead of imagining that my life must amount to a list of measurable, visible achievements, I think of my life as a canvas on which I want to paint the richest, most beautiful, most thought-provoking painting I can. Doing this makes me less obsessed with outcomes and more interested in the person I’m becoming and the activities I’m exploring.2. Be Driven by a Passion for the Process Rather Than Results
A deep internal need for success drives some people—they feel a massive hole in their identity until they achieve something—and even then, they are never satisfied. I’m not saying achievement isn’t a powerful motivator. However, it can be dangerous as it can consume nearly everything else in your life. Instead, cultivate the kind of ambition that loves the work itself. Develop a passion for the artistry, care, and diligence of the person who cares about their work, and let the results fall wherever they may.3. Be a Bigger Fish in a Smaller Pond
One of the most powerful ways social media has shaped our worldview is by widening our circle of comparison. In the not-so-distant past, a high-achieving child might have been excited and motivated by being one of the top students in their medium-sized high school, among the best players on their sports team, or one of the best violin players in the orchestra. This bar was low enough that many people could find something that made them feel unique and valuable.But now—from a young age—we’re exposed to the best of the best across any field, and to stand out (at least online), you need to have extreme talent. My advice is to reattach yourself to local communities where your skills, however ordinary, can be considered valuable because they genuinely are. This can be as simple as realizing that to someone, you are the best brother, parent, or spouse they know—and that’s something worth aiming for in life!
