Mark Twain’s Short Story, ‘A Literary Nightmare’

Here is a rhyme that the 19th-century author couldn’t get out of his head.
Mark Twain’s Short Story, ‘A Literary Nightmare’
"Conductor, when you receive a fare, punch in the presence of the passenjare!” (Anneka/Shutterstock)
3/26/2024
Updated:
4/11/2024
0:00

“Conductor, when you receive a fare, Punch in the presence of the passenjare! A blue trip slip for an eight-cent fare, A buff trip slip for a six-cent fare, A pink trip slip for a three-cent fare, Punch in the presence of the passenjare! CHORUS Punch, brothers! punch with care! Punch in the presence of the passenjare!”

Read these lines that Mark Twain shares in his short story “A Literary Nightmare.” Such a head-bobbing jingle, Twain confesses, possesses an incredible power to stay in one’s head. Through this jingle, he tells a story that will make you laugh yourself silly and want to both memorize and avoid the jingle at the same time. Twain demonstrates the fun to be had in daily life, even through a simple jingle.

Twain comes across this wonderful jingle in a newspaper one day, and it immediately “takes instant and entire possession of [him].” The lines fill his brain and beat a constant rhythm so that when he finishes breakfast, he cannot remember whether he had eaten anything at all.

And still the lines keep waltzing through his head, making all his other thoughts vaporize. Earlier he planned his day, wanting to write a brilliant tragedy, but all he writes is “Punch in the presence of the passenjare.” After wrestling to defeat the tune for an hour, he proves to be the unfortunate victim of “a blue trip slip for an eight-cent fare.”

Work proving fruitless with this jingle jiggling in his head, Twain heads to town. But his walk bounces to the jingle’s rhythm. Even when he alters his step, the jingle accommodates its rhythm to that new stride. For two whole days, Twain suffers from this catchy jingle.

Even when he walks with his friend, the Reverend, he pays no attention to their conversation. The Reverend talks on and on, and finally turns to Twain, who has said nothing. “Mark, are you sick?” he asks. But all Twain responds is: “Punch, brothers, punch with care! Punch in the presence of the passenjare!”

Confused, the Reverend carries the conversation on his own. They walk nine more miles, but Twain hears nothing. Finally, the Reverend seizes Twain’s shoulder: “Oh, wake up! ... What do you say to this?” Twain responds: “A buff trip slip for a six-cent fare ... Punch in the presence of the passenjare.”

Punch With Care

Utterly confused, the Reverend asks Twain to repeat the jingle to him. When Twain does, the Reverend perks up: “Why, what a captivating jingle it is!” The Reverend repeats it until he commits it to memory.

Suddenly, Twain feels the jingle lift from his mind. He feels free and immediately begins singing and chatting away until their walk is over. Shaking the Reverend’s hand, Twain realizes that his friend has been silent for a while. “Come, come, out with something!” Twain exclaims. The Reverend replies: “Punch, brothers, punch with care! Punch in the presence of the passenjare!”

As Twain cares about his friend and is all too familiar with the suffering he has caused, he finds a solution.

Modern readers have noted that Mark Twain may have come up with a pre-internet meme. Twain’s comedic story historically shakes with fun and highlights the everyday joys that surround us. Though such fun and joy seem like madness, they are worth it.

Twain’s story echoes Dr. Seuss’s words in “The Cat in the Hat”: “I know it is wet and the sun is not sunny, but we can have lots of good fun that is funny.” As we pass through our days, smile and laugh at the little things. These little joys, laughs, and jingles brighten our day and chase the darkness away.

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Kate Vidimos is a 2020 graduate from the liberal arts college at the University of Dallas, where she received her bachelor’s degree in English. She plans on pursuing all forms of storytelling (specifically film) and is currently working on finishing and illustrating a children’s book.