But what does it mean to surrender?
First, it may be helpful to define what surrender is not. Surrender is not failure, defeat, or punishment.
At some point, we all encounter a situation that rocks the foundation of who we are and what we think we can bear. Sometimes, it’s a long-term situation, and at other times, it’s a sudden event that overwhelms us and renders our usual coping strategies useless. While the details may differ, what these experiences share is the power to bring us to our knees, figuratively, and often literally.
They also have the power to change us.
Our minds will fight, reject, ignore, push against, and maneuver in order to change situations that we don’t want. And then there comes a time when we can’t keep fighting, either because it’s too painful or because we finally understand that it’s futile and some other unknown path is needed. Surrender begins here, where all other strategies end. But surrender isn’t a strategy; it is the absence of strategies.
The Path to Surrender
Surrender itself is easy; it’s the path to surrender that’s excruciating. But what’s amazing is that when surrender does arrive, it’s accompanied by a great sense of peace. It’s not that the situation remarkably gets better or easier, but we feel better when we know deep down that we can’t fix or figure it out.Oddly, something within us relaxes when we acknowledge that we don’t know the way. We feel an inner softening when we agree to turn it over to something larger—the unknowable, or simply the truth of our own helplessness. From our knees, paradoxically, we feel a remission from the suffering.
When we surrender, we give up, but not in the way that we usually think of giving up. We don’t give up on the situation, but rather, we give up the notion that we can manage the situation. We give up the belief that we can make reality different than what it is.
Giving up the mistaken belief that we are in charge offers profound relief.
So if surrender only enters when all other strategies have been exhausted, why bother? Do we simply wait for surrender’s arrival or is there anything we can do to encourage its presence?
How to Surrender
To practice, we simply surrender to what is, right now. We drop into our direct experience—what we are sensing, feeling, and living in this moment. We agree to feel life as it is, without our mind adding, taking away, manipulating, or doing anything whatsoever to it.Try asking yourself: What would it be like if I let everything be just as it is? If I don’t do anything to it, what is my actual experience in this moment? Feel this, here, now.
Surrender, at its core, is the willingness to meet life as it is, to stop fighting with or trying to change what is so. And remarkably, no matter what the catalyst, or whether it’s a moment’s surrender or a lifetime’s, the resulting gift remains the same: relief, gratitude, grace, and sometimes even joy.
Surrender isn’t something that our minds can accomplish, but it is something that, with awareness, we can invite into our lives. And thankfully, when we have no other choice but to surrender the illusion of control, we can then experience the presence of something larger and unknowable. We can experience ourselves flowing down the river that is life—the river we are actually part of. Then, having experienced surrender, we can relax and trust that it’s safe to let go.