On average, people spend more than three hours on their phones each day, picking up the device nearly 60 times a day, with some people spending closer to four hours.
These numbers aren’t meant to be judgments—it’s not a bad thing to look at your phone—but instead are meant to bring some awareness to our phone usage.
A lot of people whom I talk to want to decrease their phone usage, not necessarily decreasing it to zero but decreasing impulsive usage.
Many of us tend to grab our phones anytime there’s a lull, which can lead to mindless scrolling.
So how can we develop more mindful use of our phones and become less dependent on them?
Becoming More Mindful of Phone Usage
If you don’t have awareness of something, you can’t change it. So the most important first step is to bring mindfulness to your phone usage.
- Get a small notebook or scrap of paper, and each time you reach for your phone, make a tally mark on the paper. This will bring awareness to reaching for your phone.
- Notice what you’re feeling when you reach for the phone. Write that down on the paper or notebook as well. Boredom, anxiety, overwhelm, sadness, loneliness, fear, or frustration—any one of these emotions may be what you’re trying to deal with via your phone. (Hint: It doesn’t work.)
- Take three breaths before you unlock the phone. You have the phone in your hand—pause for a moment and take three breaths. Notice the feeling that makes you want to reach for the phone. Do the breaths help with the feeling?
Breaking the Habit of Phone Dependence
At this point, your mindful practice has set you up for success to break the habit.Understand Your Reasons
Before you start, ask yourself why you want to make this change. Is it important, or is it a “this would be nice” kind of thing? If it’s just going to be “nice” to make the change, you won’t stick with it, because it’s not more important than your urges. You need a more meaningful reason, such as that it’s going to lead to better mental health, better relationships, better productivity with your work, or whatever would be meaningful for you. Write this reason down and post it somewhere you’ll see it each day.Set an Intention
Commit to making this change. Is your intention to not look at social media or certain apps on your phone? Is it to only use those apps twice per day for 30 minutes each session? Is it to never use your phone except for reading or music? Set a clear intention and commit yourself to it for a certain amount of time—let’s say four weeks.Lock Screen Reminder
Choose an image for your phone lock screen that will remind you of your intention. A nature scene, a quote, a photo of your kids, whatever it takes. This will help bring awareness whenever the urge comes up.Find Other Meaningful Activities
What do you want to do instead of looking at your phone? It should be something that addresses the emotions you identified in the “mindful” section and something that you enjoy or find meaningful.For example, if you reach for your phone when you feel overwhelmed or anxious, maybe sitting in meditation, doing a few yoga poses, or going for a short walk will help you deal with those emotions and lead to greater health or mental clarity.
- Connect with a friend.
- Do some stretches or pushups.
- Drink a cup of tea.
- Do some breathing exercises.
- Write someone a love note.
Practice Pausing
When you are about to use your phone, practice taking a short pause. Breathe. Notice your emotions. Tend to them. Consider your meaningful “why” and your intention. If you can’t avoid using the phone after this pause, don’t beat yourself up. Just introducing the pause is a huge, huge step. Celebrate any progress.Be Willing to Be With All of Life
We most often use our phones because there are things we don’t want to feel or experience. It’s an avoidance mechanism. But what if we train ourselves to open up to all experiences—all parts of life? We wouldn’t need our coping mechanisms anymore. So each time you reach for the phone, practice being with and opening yourself to the experience you want to avoid. This is a training exercise; with practice, you’ll increase your capacity to be present in every experience that life has to offer.Daily Review
At the end of each day, before you go to sleep, set a reminder to do a short review of the day. How did you do with your intention? What got in the way? What feelings did you resist being with? What can you improve tomorrow? Be compassionate with yourself. But use this daily review for continual learning and improvement.This is not an easy habit to change, but it is changeable. If you commit yourself, find a meaningful reason, and let yourself continue to learn and grow in the process.
