Sometimes it is the deeply ingrained notions we’ve developed over time that stand in our way more than anything else. Parents want the very best for their children, but sometimes our assumptions can hold us back from parenting to the best of our ability.
Re-framing an old assumption can often do wonders toward improvement. Do any of these assumptions sound familiar to you?
1. It is primarily the school’s job to educate my child.
Much has been said about the antiquated model of education that was created to fit the needs of the industrial age yet still prevails today. Schools and teachers, both private and public, are trying to meet the challenge of educating children from many backgrounds.
What many parents seem to miss, however, is the opportunity they have to impact the education of their child from a young age.
For example, the simple act of setting up a home library and reading to children regularly can do more for a young child than their entire elementary career. Parents who seek out lessons for their children in all facets of life and allow their children to explore their interests deeply are giving them a truly great gift.
What if we shifted our thinking and saw school as a supplement to the education that happens at home? How would parents then define their roles, and what kinds of adults would their children grow to be?
2. It is essential for kids to participate in team sports.
There is a frenzy today of participation by very young kids in multiple team sports activities. Team sports can be great and the lessons that can be gleaned may also be positive, if the sport is managed with excellence.
However, team sports are not for every kid, and the benefits should be weighed against the oftentimes enormous time commitment required. There is an opportunity cost there. By spending all of that time on team sports, what other interests and pursuits are kids missing out on?
3. I can’t get my kids to stop eating sweets.
Really? Who’s in charge here?
Feeding little people can, for sure, present challenges to any parent. The prevalence of things like fruit snacks, juice boxes, and Goldfish in the diet of the under-10 set leads to some questions, however. For example, who is buying all of this stuff at the grocery store?
Involving children in food preparation and introducing delicious whole food alternatives, while weeding out junk from the pantry, are good steps toward establishing healthier habits.
4. Children do not really need rules, structure, and schedules.
Untrue. While giving in to every whim of these adorable little people you love may feel like a loving thing to do, children thrive on limits, routines, and boundaries. Predictability can be of great comfort to them. Schedule bedtime and play out the same routine each night. Have them do their homework as soon as they get home from school. Be consistent with discipline.
5. We do not earn enough money to allow one of us to stay home with our children.
No doubt, this is true for a lot of people. But for others, it may be more possible to stay at home than they realize. How many people wish they could be home with their children, but don’t consider that having a slightly smaller home or a slightly older car, or making an honest assessment of their budget and their spending habits, could get them there? Other paths, like a work from home arrangement, could get them there, too. The status quo can be stifling.
6. All toys are made in China.
Maybe it seems this way if you are doing all of your toy shopping at Walmart and Target. However, if you want to have some fun, search on Google for toys not made in China. The more you search, the more high-quality, interesting, and gorgeous options you'll find. Purchasing toys that are not made in China also means you are not inadvertently supporting a regime that exploits and persecutes its workers and citizens.
7. Music, movies, television shows, and toys targeted to my child’s age are good for them to listen to, watch, or play with.
“Kids are growing up so fast nowadays.” You hear this all the time. Innocence and childhood are not being protected as they should. The standards being applied to modern children’s entertainment are continually degenerating, with young children being exposed to violence, rude language, sexuality, and all manner of low character standards—subtly or otherwise.
Do we think what they are exposed to affects their character? What does allowing this stuff into our home say to our children? It takes prudence, now more than ever, to sift through and find that which is beneficial, or at least appropriate, for young children.
8. Boredom is not good for my kids.
Kids today are so very over-scheduled. School, sports, dance, scouts, clubs, gymnastics, camp, choir, band, and on and on ... all of these in moderation can provide wonderful benefits to kids. However, so too can downtime and, dare we say, boredom! It is in moments of boredom that some of the most creative ideas can be born. What if we saw boredom as an opportunity to create, to discover who we are, and to have fun?
9. My child is too young to learn to read, or understand fractions, or make their own sandwich, or ...
Each child is different. Notions around the right age to start reading, for example, may rob a child of his or her motivation to learn. Many kids can read well in advance of starting kindergarten. Many preschoolers can make their own peanut butter sandwich. Many kindergartners can have fun with fractions. Kick the conventional wisdom to the curb and instead let the child give it a try, with no pressure, of course. Why hold them back from discovering their natural strengths?
10. When it comes to parenting, I don’t know what I am doing.
Let’s embrace the amazing innate wisdom that we, as parents, really do have in understanding who our kids are and what they need. Those parental instincts are strong. Embrace them and remember that, despite the volumes of parenting advice you'll likely consume in your life, you know better than anyone else what is best for your child.
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